I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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