Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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