My sheets look like a crime scene.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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