One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
