I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
