You're my little dorito
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
