and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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