just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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