Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
