MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
