Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
