I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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