i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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