Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
