they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
