I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
