He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
