two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
