Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
