my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
