You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
