i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
