Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
