Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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