I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
