so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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