He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have started to decorate penises.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
