i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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