i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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