turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
