Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
