the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
