So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
