My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were trust falling into bushes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
