2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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