Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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