WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize