dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
