Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
