You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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