Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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