And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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