New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
