How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
