I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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