Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
