Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
