Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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