He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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