Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
