Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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