Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
