dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am available for nakedness
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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