I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
