My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its about making memories worth repressing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
