ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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