I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
