There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
