I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
