Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
