Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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