listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
