Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
