So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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