Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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