I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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