Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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