Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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