The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
